so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
