the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
