a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
