That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
