Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
