My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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