How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
