I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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