Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
