Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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