I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
