I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
