Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
