I seem to have left my pride at pride
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
