Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
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