Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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