Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
