Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
