Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
