I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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