He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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