Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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