the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
