dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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