A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i need some magic done to my vagina
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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