How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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