Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
