i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
