Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
