I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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