so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize