I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
