If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
