i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
