You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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