new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
