is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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