I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
