The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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