I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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