I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
