Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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