I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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