3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got inside last night via doggy door
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.