You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
