his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
