some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
