ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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