The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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