I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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