thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
