i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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