my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
