I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yo dont text me then not text me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
