It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
