shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
