I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
