in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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