Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
