Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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